I would like to start my blog by stating that I have ZERO professional or personal experience in "blogging". To that same extent I am not even an active reader of blogs. Truth be known, I'm not even wholly convinced that I have the stamina to maintain my blogging efforts. That said, I needed to find an outlet for my single greatest source of comedy. My inspiration comes in the wee hours of the night..... but before I explain allow me to give you some baseline knowledge about me.
I enjoy sleeping. Correction: I LOVE SLEEPING. Actually, to be as specific as possible I love GOING to sleep. The moment when I jump (yes. jump.) in to bed consistently ranks in the "Top 5 Things I've Done Today" list. I giggle a bit. I wriggle a bit. I start smiling like I'm on a commercial for dental hygiene and this NEW & IMPROVED product is the dawn of a new era in a world free of gingivitis and tartar. Needless to say.... I look forward to this moment. I've looked forward to going to sleep since I was a child. I had a ritual of going to sleep with my socks on and then deftly using my toes to remove my socks. My mother would constantly complain of the "mile high pile" of socks that would accumulate by the end of the week. My mother has a fairly strong Carribbean accent so feel free to do your best impression on the transcript below:
Mother: "Lawd a Mercy! Whya gotta have all ya socks pon de foot of da bed?! "
C: "I don't know mom....they just end up there"
Mother: "Ah Lawd Jesus Christ King of the Jews...giv me da strength to deal wid dis child!"
Without stating the obvious, my mother often looked to the heavens above for divine intervention to deal with my sock piles. Probably not the favor I would ask for but if this was her greatest burden of motherhood who am I to judge? I'm off on a tangent.....
So the history is I love going to sleep. My sleep pattern could be described as "rythmic". Jump. Giggle. Wiggle. Drift. Toss. Turn. Sleep. AWAKE. Juice. Bathroom break. Drift. Sleep. AWAKE. There's a key moment every night where I wake up to have juice. Not water. Juice. It's been juice forever. I'll be regaling you with an incredible "late night juice story" in a future post.
This aforementioned key moment is actually what has now led to me creating a blog. There were several one-sided conversations taking place in the middle of the night that were quirky and confusing. Random subjects. Startling accusations. Obscure observations. All of which became even more confusing given the time of night when mental function is comparable to a healthy potato. The source of these conversations you ask? The inane ramblings of my significant other. I was the helpless victim of the sleep disorder known as somniloquy a.k.a. SLEEP TALKING. According to Wikipedia - "Sleep talking by itself is harmless, however, it can wake up others and cause them consternation - especially when misinterpreted as conscious speech by an observer. Quite common in children and lessens as we enter adulthood". Roughly 4% of adults are reported to talk in their sleep. Not sure on the quick math but logic would dictate that another 4% of adults suffer from the 4% of adults that are reported to talk in their sleep.
So after months of keeping these "conversations" confidential I have decided to go public. I've kept a sweet stockpile of these conversations to bring a little humor to your day. This will most likely be the longest post you'll ever read so take solace in the knowledge that investing in reading this blog should take 60 seconds of your day...rather than the 20-30 minutes of overwhelming confusion that inspires it.
So stay tuned - in the meantime, perhaps take a peek at the 80's hit by The Romantics "Talking in Your Sleep" to get you in the right frame of mind.
Sleep well!
C.
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